Happy Birthday Tommy Peek!

Today is my dad's birthday.  I have spent the day by myself today and found myself thinking about a myriad of things from the day he passed away to the day that he turned the kitchen table over in frustration because of sibling squabbles - I guess we had went to far.  Sorry daddy. 

On the day of his visitation at the funeral home, I put an Intrust Healthcare ink pen in his shirt pocket - because he always had a pen in his pocket.  It made me really sad today to think that both of those are gone - my daddy and my job, that I loved.  I feel like that it was my dad and my mom that taught me how to be a case manager long before I went to EKU, worked for the Cabinet or for Intrust.  Treat others the way you want to be treated, never for one second think you are better than anyone and give the shirt off your back if someone else needs it worse than you and then offer more.  I am thankful today that I had parents that shaped my personality both personally and professionally.  I miss my dad and I miss the folks I worked with.   I would like to know what my dad would think of our grand adventure. 

I sure do wish he was here with me so I could take him to Western Sizzlin tonight - so he could get a hamburger with mustard and onion only and steak fries...and a few tomato slices on an extra plate.    One time at a restaurant, the waiter asked how everything was.  Daddy said "I've had better, but I've had worse."  I could have crawled under the table.  I try to remember this when I say things and Maddie rolls her eyes.

I like to think that there is no one on the planet that misses him more than me or understands the magnitude of the grief I still carry.. but there is at least three more people who share in this sorrow.  Not a day goes by that my mom isn't still 100% devoted to love of her life.  I know that she has been getting wind of these blogs, so sorry I'm not there today for white Burke's cake to celebrate what was the most influential person to me in my lifetime.

Here's to some great parents!  And Happy Birthday Tommy Peek. 


 And in other whiney news, this might be the last time I blog, post, or mention that I'm struggling with driving in Arkansas.  Not all of AR, just some places.  Today I found a youtube video that shows traveling along Hwy 62 just west of Eureka Springs.  This is the road that Daniel traveled to get the rental truck.  So thankful I didn't go with him.  Take a look:

I have managed to watch it and grab the chair arm repeatedly, trying to hang on for dear life.  Maybe I will get used to this - but ... maybe not.  Now try to convince me to just to this anyway.  One wrong jerk and there is no 2nd chance in some places. My trust is in the Lord - and he has blessed Daniel with fabulous driving skills.

Falling into place

Week one is in the history books.  We have survived a traumatic first week of school for some, the awesomeness of the first week of preschool for someone else and a very satisfying first week of work for another.  I sort of feel like I have just been a taxi driver or messenger this week.  I have spent time catching up on somethings to send home for work.  Since we are going in with Daniel in the mornings, from about 8 til he is finished, I primarily just wait.  I have spent a lot of time in the parking lot where he works, just doing my little paperwork.  I pride myself on my patience, so this hasn't been a huge deal, but... wondering if I can keep it together for another week.  TGIS and S.  Glad it's the weekend. 

We had planned this weekend to prowl around, to learn more about where we are living.  I have been going to the laundry mat about every other day so that our little basket of clothes doesn't become overwhelming.  We don't have a lot of stuff with us and it is completely amazing how much stuff is in a storage warehouse somewhere that we will have to sort through when we move in the house.  I anticipate a large trip to the dump! 

My last trip to the laundry was my most fun yet.  I made my first friend.  The laundry is usually totally empty, not even a person working there.  On Thursday morning, bright and early - a little old man came in with one basket and his bottle of Era.  While I'm cheap and not really into laundry to begin with, I am shoving everything in one triple load, just to get in and out quickly and cheaply.  He sorted his clothes and started three washers - with one basket.  When I found the opportunity, I asked him, "So, you know much about this area?", always fishing for ways in and out that don't involve these jacked up roads.  Intrigued, he came closer and saw that I was looking at a map of Arkansas.  He took his readers out and said "Where you trying to get?"  I replied, "Anywhere".

I explained that we were new, I'm a freak of nature and that I was struggling with some fears.  I told him that I would like to know that if I needed to, I could get to Fayetteville/Springdale area.  He told me he had lived in Marble, AR his entire life.  It is about 20 miles from Berryville.  We talked on and on and he asked a lot about KY.  He told me all about his trip to Indiana one time to see his sister's husband's sister.  He got lost in St. Louis and it "sure is a bad place to drive too".... yeah, tell me about it mountain man. 

I really wish I had asked his name, but he didn't ask me mine either.  We hit is off so well, that he totally had no problem passing gas while we were just standing there talking, just as naturally as breathing.  How I managed to keep a straight face - and to keep from covering my face, I'll never know.  Daniel would have been proud (of him, not me..) We were laundry buddies and I hope that he goes to the laundry every Thursday.  I have to admit, I was sad he didn't stay to dry.  I was so excited because he was just as friendly as folks back home and we really haven't run into a lot of those folks here.  I am sure we will, just haven't yet. 

I was as proud as punch to pick Daniel up for lunch that day to share with him my friend, my new routes and that my friend thinks I could make it to Fayetteville with no problems.  That day Daniel had made a friend too.  He had gotten to spend some time with another supervisor, was invited to church with her.  Progress was made on Thursday. Looking forward to checking out this church and hopefully feeling at home there.

Yesterday we got the call that the truck would be here today.  After much ado, we arranged to meet the driver in Harrison, where we could also return the rental to Enterprise.   So, with the as much planning as the Pentagon would do, we got the Dakota to Berryville so I could drive it to Harrison and follow Daniel.  I had ridden this far before and knew that it was something I could do on my own.  Success.  Harrison was a lot like Richmond, maybe Frankfort - everything you would need with groceries, movies, a Home Depot, a Wal-Mart - and a few recognizable places that we hadn't seen here.  I was so happy to see Walgreens.  

We ate lunch at Western Sizzlin!  It was just as I remembered it in Danville, with the numbered meals on the board, the salad/hot food bar, and then black plates with the silver top ... remember those?

We poked around for a while and then got the truck and had a most pleasant day.  Temperature, just right - no jackets even.  On the way home, we stopped at a fruit market and got a small bag of these wonderful beauties.  The Arkansas Black apples.  I got Fuji's too - both excellent.  The little store was wonderful inside - with bins full of nuts, dried fruit of every kind, jams and jellies.  I loved it.  The lady peeled an apple for me to try and I loved it.  She said that a lot of people use them for pies, for applesauce and they keep well. 

http://www.orangepippin.com/apples/arkansas-black

Check out the link to learn more about Arkansas Black apples!  Apple recipes can be left in the comment box below!  Share your favorite apple dish!

We stopped at a couple "junk" stores and Maddie found herself one of those video game chairs for 22 dollars, she is as proud as can be and smiling from ear to ear.  It was a good day! 

I have been thinking so much about how we are so involved in our new life here and struggling with the words to express our excitement here - while knowing and feeling bad that there is life going on in Kentucky as well.  A few months back I posted something on facebook to the effect that this old world just keeps turning and nothing stays the same.  This is January 26.  On January 1, 2013 - I had no idea what changes would take place for me, us, our family.  I don't know that I can ever conceptualized this.  There is something bigger going on here and I feel it everyday. 

A piece of a puzzle realized

Crossing that bridge in St. Louis seems like so long ago.  Yeah, I did something that I didn't think that I could ever do.  In Illinois, I decided, as long as I could I was going to continue to drive.  As the numbers on the mile markers got smaller, I knew the mighty Mississippi was getting closer.  The physical symptoms of anxiety and my phobia became ever clearer.  The heart racing, the sweaty palms, chest pains, and tears.  I inhaled and exhaled deeply.  I prayed.  I talked to myself, all the while, my poor family realized that they were at my mercy.  At any time, Daniel would be available to take the wheel so I felt safe.  He's always there for me, not matter what.  I'm not sure about when people in the truck started talking again - but it was well west of the city.

Feeling over confident, when we headed out on Day 2 of our journey, I took the wheel.  Those Ozarks weren't going to get the best of me.  I made it 66 miles on the 2nd day. There were a few times that I felt the nervous, adrenaline rush shooting through my legs, but I was able to take the slow lane, breath and talk my way through it.  And it wasn't that bad - just expansive vistas that freak me out. 

Just after one of those moments, Daniel described what I am seeing when I am driving and the differences in me and him.  Finally, there was verbal reasoning to my phobia, sort of. 

Daniel has been a CDL driver since he was able to first obtain that license.  He hasn't always driven for a living, but he has driven OTR, local, delivery, and the family truck.  When he is behind the wheel, it's flawless.  He checks his gauges, he anticipates the other drivers moves, he uses his mirrors in a textbook like manner.  He says that he "drives" when too many people just "steer"... he has taught me that there is much more to driving than just turning a steering wheel.  Because you "can" drive, doesn't always mean that you should. 

On that peak, just 66 miles from Sullivan, MO - I was just steering and not very well.  He noticed that for several miles, I was becoming more nervous, becoming locked in a lane which was not only endangering us on the interstate - but countless more around us.  I had been so proud the day before for conquering one fear - well.. it's not so much conquering, as just trudging through.  (I'm not ready for the Golden Gate!)  Daniel quietly and calmly said "Lea, I think you should take the next exit."  I lost it.  It was a personal defeat and I completely felt like I had not only let myself down, I realized that I'm stuck here.  If I can't make it through those 150 miles from Ft. Leonard Wood, MO to Berryville, AR - how can I get home if I need to?  Luckily, there was a McDonald's at that exit.  I got an icy cold drink, walked around the truck and gave up the wheel to a "real driver". When I had the opportunity when Maddie was a baby, her dad and I took my grandparents to Virginia to a cousin's funeral.  My grandfather was quite impressed with my ability to navigate trhough Knoxville and he called me a "real driver".  I've always taken some pride in that trip and spending that weekend with them, even though it was for a funeral.  so... yeah, I've let him down too.  And come to think of it... how did I make it through to Abington, VA anyway?

But anyway, Daniel made a very brilliant observation back in Missouri that morning. When he is driving, he remains focused on the road, where the pavement goes, what the signs say and watching for anything out of the ordinary so that he is ready to react.  By nature of my previous jobs for the past 9 years, I have a keen ability to notice every single thing around me.  Not saying I never miss anything, but taking a piece of information, storing it for later use and scanning all around me has become 2nd nature.  I have said things about signs, billboards, buildings along the way and Daniel has no idea what I'm talking about.  I have no ability to shut out the surroundings and just drive.  I will have to rewire my brain in order to ever drive out here. 

So, now we are in our little home away from home away from home in Eureka Springs, AR.  Our house won't be ready until after 2/1 now.  We will have a brand new bathroom actually - not just floors, so it's ok.  This morning was Daniel's first day of work.  There are curves here that motorcyclists would love, I do not.  There are few guardrails and steep inclines with curves, wide open spaces and narrow little curves that are sideways... like a roller coaster.  Some places are flat, straight and then out of the blue - a freak of nature curve that I can't manage.  Today, I went to work with Daniel and stayed in Berryville all day waiting for my chauffer to return me to my little cabin in the woods.  This is just week 1, so progress may come, rewiring will take place and no matter what, my hero is always nearby to pick up my pieces. 

What is your greatest fear?  Interested to know, so please share and tell me how you overcome.  Prayers welcomed!

And because we had stayed in tiny little Berryville all day - they were slightly delirious, but their laughter and spending one more day with them before school starts was priceless!  This was in the Tyson parking lot, after our nap.  Really.  We had hoped to go to the library - but closed for MLK Day (that and the post office were the ONLY things closed here).

When things don't go as planned...

Soon this will be over and not nearly as stressful.  Everything has not went as smoothly this week as we had originally planned.  We have been overwhelmed with the shear magnitude of having new job in another state, compounded by the generosity of Daniel's new employer.  He has said several times that they have offered plenty of incentive to perform before day one on the job.  The folks in Berryville and that work for Tyson and their 3rd party people who are helping in the move have made us feel special on a level that we've never experienced, and I am most grateful.  My friends and family who are military and who work for companies who move them here and there, and those that just chose to use a moving company surely must think we are overreacting.  Once again, let me say - this is "us".  Things like this just don't happen to us.  I have complained about this hamster wheel I have been spinning around for a long time and I can now safely say that I have experienced something out of the ordinary.  I can say that my world is not quite upside down, but a little tilted. 

The movers where late because our driver was sick, causing more anxiety.  Our house won't be ready until 2/1.  I missed my 1st job interview with Arkansas Dept. of Human Services because of the delay.  I had to pack everything that we will need for two weeks and able to fit into 2 tool boxes on the back of the truck.  But that's ok, we'll have some new bathroom floors, new doors and it'll be good as new.  We do have the luxury of being in a mountain cabin in a nearby town until then, with a living room, 2 bedrooms and a kitchen - and a hot tub.  Better than a hotel room with 2 kids and my darling husband. 

We are blessed beyond measure and continue to praise His name.  Stress is high, blessings are good.  Ready for next weekend - when we can relax, explore and learn about this place we will call home.  I think when Daniel gets off work I want to go to Oklahoma, because.. well.  I can.  :)

Thank you to Daniel's mom and dad for fostering our sweet, sweet smilin' Sam.  She is adjusting well to life on the farm.  I know that I wasn't the best owner a dog could of asked for, didn't play with her as much as I should have and if you've seen her lately - you know that she needs a good grooming.  But I sure do love her.  When she left with her grandparents, I couldn't stand to watch.  I don't want her to think for one minute that she didn't go because we don't love her.  So, if you visit be sure to tell her that we miss her and that we love her. 

Just listen

When is a magnet more than a magnet?

Our refrigerator. 

The personality of a fridge takes on the personality of the family.  Having made a few home visits to strangers in my lifetime, noticing someone’s fridge can tell a lot about the home and the people in it.  My aunt Joann's fridge is scattered with photos of her grandkids, nieces, nephews, friends and family galore.  My grandmother has a picture I colored for her when I was in the 1st or 2nd grade - that still makes me proud when I see it still displayed!  Schedules, lists, pictures, souvenir magnets from vacations. 

On our fridge – Three neatly, origami-like dollar bills that my cousin Larry Raley has given Annabelle the last three times he saw her.  The magnetic words that have made countless insane sentences. 

My mom’s peanut butter fudge recipe that has been there since 2006 when I married Daniel and started trying to replicate.  It can’t be done.  A picture of me and Dan at Bear Wallow two years ago.  Pictures of the girls, pictures of Maddie and her best, good friend Olivia in 6^th grade.  Autographed Banjoman photos, from Call of the Wildman.  Christmas card photos from 2011 that I can't bear to part with.  A photo of my dad, late 70’s/early 80’s standing by the gas pumps at the service station that he ran.  Daniel’s grandmother’s recipe for that candy that I can’t seem to get just right and didn’t get to try this Christmas – maybe in AR?  A new drawing by Anna and Maddie brightly colored, saying “I love you Lea”.  My Turkish Evil Eye given to me the day before we left by a co-worker, Margie Gill... And our Vote Obama magnet from our $5.00 donation to the campaign.  (Big time political donation!) To me, the things on our fridge tell the story of a tightly wound family steeped with tradition, love and good times.  With everything gone, Daniel made the comment that was how he liked it... hmmm.. wonder what that means? 

I believe that the kitchen can be the heart of a home.  When I was growing up, lots of good times were had when my parents’ best friends would come to visit.  Almost weekly – Janice and Ronald Baird were there – maybe not to share a meal like folks today think has to happen when people get together.  Just to share an ice cold Pepsi in a bottle and homemade popcorn. It’s hard for me to comprehend, and I often try, that my parents and their friends were the age I am now when those visits were going on .. that’s a whole other blog.   Mom would fix dinners for visiting preachers at Mt. Salem Baptist Church.  My dad had a little brown radio and he would sit at the kitchen table and listen to WHAS 8400 out of Louisville.  I vividly remember hiding in the bathroom when he would take the phone and call in on shows when he had something to say.  Like my friends would have been listening to WHAS on a Thursday night. 

In our kitchen, we’ve had a lot of family and friends over too.  Making those same memories.  I can imagine in time, there will be new friends in Arkansas in my kitchen and sure enough, there had better be family and old friends in that kitchen.  We are sincerely extending invitations to family and friends to visit. 

Tell me about what's on your fridge and what it says about your family..
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.  Ecclesiastes 7:14 NIV

The first day of our new normal

Welcome to Arkansas.  The Natural State.  Surely things weren't this complicated for Lewis and Clark a few years back when they headed west.  Having grown up in what we have been told is "the Promised land"- and most there agree, moving 700 miles away at 38 years old just seems absurd and insane for us to do.  Oh, we have lots of family and friends who have lived all over the globe.  But this is "us".  We just don't do things like this.  I have a kid in 8th grade.  I'm ripping her from all that is good and safe.  We have a 4 year old who will be 12 hours from her grandparents.  I'm leaving a job that I love with all my heart. I love the people I work with and for.  The people I worked with are my "family".  And Daniel, well... he's 38 and fresh out of college.  We have got this all wrong, right?  Not at all.  This is our faith in action. 

I don't pretend to be a Biblical scholar and maybe I won't verbalize exactly that cold chill feeling I get on the back of my neck when I feel the Holy Spirit moving in my life, but I'm going to try because I want to record the crazy feelings we have now so we can remember and maybe, just maybe our Faith and our story of Hope will be a real, visible reminder that God's power is strong, his help is great and his love is bountiful. 
  
It is utterly amazing how fast time flies.  I have a timeline in my head that everything in the past is either before or after my dad died.  That was 1/9/2007.  Since he passed away - I'll admit here before the whole world, I've changed.  Dealing with his passing has been very difficult for me. 

Then comes Annabelle - sent from Heaven above to distract and bless our family immensely.  That was in 2008. 

2008 also marked the beginning and end of life as we knew it.  June 3, 2008 - Daniel absolutely reached the end of his marketable career doing anything physically as he had prided himself on for his entire life.  That summer, through tests, a lot of dr's. appointments and different opinions, he learned that his back was shot, virtually gone.  Refusing to accept this fate, he returned to school. 

Fast forward to 12/15/2012 - graduating from EKU was a capstone to that June day when he felt so defeated, lost and beyond despair.  I was ever so proud of him walking across that stage at now OUR beloved Eastern Kentucky University - because I had been his cheerleader, his encourager.  I had pushed him to the point that well, there were times that I'm sure there was some discord. 

Now, even though I loved my job and we were provided for - times were hard and we had a lot of help.  Just when we didn't have anything to eat, someone would share.  Just when Dan couldn't get to Richmond because gas was nearly $4.00 a gallon, his tank was filled.  Making the difficult decision to sell part of his farm was the most devastating period we went through.  But that my friends is faith.  Not a pity party - it's real faith and it's real hope.  Many times, at the brink of tears, for some unexplainable reason - things worked out.  Often almost immediately.  Again, that my friends is faith.  My favorite time in all the four years was most recently when we literally had .14 to last several days.  Fourteen cents.  And feeling down, I prayed to the Lord to get us through and I praised him for getting us this far and knowing the end was sooooo close - strangely enough, while I cried and prayed that morning, Daniel checked his email.  A grant he didn't know he was getting came through and had been directed deposited.  Even in our storms we praised His name.  We often felt alone and isolated from friends and family we once knew because well… “they can’t afford it” or “they don’t have any money” to do the things we once did with people who we thought were our friends and “family”.  We hadn’t changed, but our socioeconomic status did.  And we were smart enough to understand it. 

Six days after graduation, he was offered a position with Tyson in Berryville, Arkansas.  What?  Razorback country.  Home of Bill Clinton.  On the way to Texas... that's the extent of my Arkansas knowledge.  Who really knows anything about Arkansas? 

We have educated ourselves, found Berryville to be a lot like Lincoln Co - with the exception of the mountains.  Again, God had provided for us.  He has lead us, to this wilderness like Lewis and Clark, with a lot more amenities than they had thankfully.  Since accepting his offer, he has been called for other interviews in this area at other Tyson plants.  It is most reassuring knowing that for some reason, God wants us in those mountains. 

My fear of heights is insane and in the past week, I have literally reminded myself daily of the past four years and how faith has gotten us through and I will get through this.  I will do this. 

So, this is it.  Here we go.. Arkansas or bust.  Thank You Jesus for your amazing grace and your plans for us. 

O Lord, my strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress. (Jeremiah 16:19)